this post permanently became a fixture in my brain and i cannot get it out. the other day i was looking out the window to see the streets were damp from rain and thought “god has pet them wethands style”
I’m pretty on board with the headcanon that what Link gets out of being the bearer of the Triforce of Courage is the power of being a video game protagonist, but I genuinely can’t decide whether it would be funnier if he’s 100% aware of how much bullshit his everything is, or if he honestly doesn’t realise.
Like, does he know that normal people can’t recover from life-threatening wounds in a matter of minutes by drinking a jar of really good soup? It’s the sort of thing you’d assume would be obvious just from being around other human beings, and yet.
The fact that Breath of the Wild Link’s laser-parrying trick is something that only works for him is made explicit in the dialogue, so presumably he’s at least aware that it’s exceptional, but does he understand that it’s complete bullshit, or does he think it’s just a skill issue?
Link: No, that’s fair, if I fuck up the timing I have to eat a laser to the chest and that is, understandably, extremely painful, so I don’t recommend you practice this unless you’re really confident about your timing.
Random Guard:…Link people die if they take those to the chest.
Link: I mean you should be angling yourself, i’m not saying to just let your sternum take a whole blow, to just take it square, that’s a terrible idea
Random Guard: It explodes rocks.
Link: You have armor for a reason my guy.
Random Guard: …
Link: If it helps, drinking some fire resist potions has proven to be moderately effective for me.
Theres a novel by Poul Anderson called The High Crusade, which has an alien spacecraft land in rural England in 1345 during the Hundred Year’s War. The local baron has been raising an army to help King Edward against the French, and immediately assumes this must be some kind of enemy trick.
In a way, he’s correct: the aliens are scouts for a brutal and repressive interstellar empire, which has dominated numerous planets through their devastating technology.
Unfortunately, this reliance on advanced weapons means they’ve completely forgotten all forms of melee combat and Sir Roger of Tourneville leads his militia to defeat the aliens easily.
They spare a single enemy, forcing him to fly the ship at spearpoint. They intend to raid behind enemy lines, capture the king of France to end the war, and then go onward to reclaim the Holy Land using the same tactic.
In an attempt to outwit the knights, the alien pilot actually travels to the nearest Imperial planet, where he expects the occupying military forces to save him.
I won’t spoil the details, but the knights accept this as a challenge and declare the launch of the “high crusade”.
That last picture is so stupidly badass I might tattoo that next to my dick cause it ain’t getting any better after that
